Where Have I Been?

Today's sacred writing time and teaching demo have lead me to truly question what the heck I've been doing for the past several years.

Seriously.

I met with a friend for coffee after RCWP today.  I told him that each day I was here, my mind had been blown.  And this is true.  I feel like this RCWP has come along and saved not only me, but the hundreds of students that I will teach in the second half of my career.  

Because sometimes I really feel like I've been just spinning my wheels.  Working my tail off, but getting nowhere.  And changing nothing.

And then I see these women in my group...and it's like they already knew this stuff!  They understand literacy and rhetoric and know how to use words like pedagogy...right out of undergrad!  They know how to incorporate grammar into writer's workshop and how to use mentor texts...and what in the heck have I been doing with my stupid grammar worksheets for the past three years??

Part of me is jealous that I didn't get this in my teacher training.  And the other part of me is thankful because how would I have survived the next fifteen years??  

And then all of me wants to dig in and change the whole dang system.  I don't know what else to say.